I know I haven't wrote in a while

But I think you'd understand

Today you got hurt

You started crying

Earlier I was told that

You thought I hated you

It broke me

Because it's the exact opposite

I love you

More than you will ever know

And when you got hurt today

It hurt me

So much

I hate seeing you hurt

I really do

And I hate myself for hurting you

Making you think I hate you

We missed our Monday again today

We had to go to an assembly

But we sat together

We didn't get to talk at all

But that's okay

It's hard to act excited for her

When you do something cute for her

It's hard to not show how much it hurts

To be the mediator between you two

It's hard to not tell you how I feel

But that's okay

It's saving her

And you

And myself

From all the trouble

That I would cause again

It's sparing you two

The pain

That I feel everyday

They say I'm flirting

I'm not

If I did

It would hurt her

But maybe I am flirting

I really like you

So maybe

It's subconscious

I know you'll make friends in your new school

I hope you don't forget about us

I hope we stay in touch

I know I tease you a lot

But please know that it's only teasing

I tease you because I like you

A lot

I just hope you don't forget about me

I had a bad day

Then I got a text

Telling me to make

You stop yelling with him

So I teased you for a bit

Talking to you guys

Made my day

So much better

I'm going to miss our Monday afternoons

Up in her classroom

Sitting there

Talking

Being silent

Doing homework

Messing with each other

Laughing

Giving him crap

Working on puzzles

Playing video games

Watching videos

Reading

Enjoying ourselves

I long for Monday afternoons

When we spend 45 minutes together

Your presence is calming

I'm never

Nervous

Anxious

Introverted or

Scared

When I'm around you

I have a reason to love Mondays

And that 45 minutes is my reason

You aren't here today

That was the first thing I noticed

I heard you did well in the track meet

I was going to ask you about it

But you aren't here

I sat by you in English

Because talking to you is calming

But you aren't here

Good job at the meet

I'll hopefully see you tomorrow

I can't wait

I sit in my room

Wondering why I didn't act sooner

Wondering if we could have been

Something

Anything

If I had

I sit next to you in class thinking

What would have happened had I told you

Would I be the one you were emailing constantly

Would I be the one who you're going to dance with

If only I had opened my

Mouth and

Heart

Sooner

It so hard for me to be happy for her I want to be
I really do
But it’s so difficult

I love you
But you are giving her all your attention Because you know she likes you

It’s breaking me inside To see you
And see her

You promised her you would dance with her She’s ecstatic
And I’m left here wondering,
Would you ever dance with me?

She doesn’t know I like you Neither do you.
But I love you so much

She got to you first
She told you how she felt I was too late

Now I have to hide my feelings Because I can’t hurt her
I won’t hurt her