Im drowning in my own misery, a well or abyss of my own creation. It’s made up of the expaectations I place upn myself and those others hav eplaced on me. I have always wondered what would happen if the pressure on my chest could be alieviated, removed, permitting me to breathe. I feel as though the more I struggle to meet these expectations the farther I drown deeper into myself, into the cold. I need someone to help me. Pull me out of these murky waters. to be able to breath without fear of my chest caving in. Help me, please someone. I am an imposter in my own body and it is trying to kill me. Im drowning, sucking in water and not being able to expell it, screaming without making a sound. Help me.

Clouds drifted lazily across the brilliant blue sky completely oblivious to the turmoil below. The breeze caressed my hair against my face trying to comfort me. Instead they stuck to my salty tears doing nothing to comfort, but to annoy me. I pushed the strands from my eyes and rubbed angrily at the stupid tears that wouldn’t stop falling, and stared at the devastation that lay before me. The air smelled of salty water and death. Objects that once had some use or another were strewn across the beach useless, except as a reminder. People screamed, the sound like wind blowing through dead trees, the hollow sound easily yet continuing to demand and capture one’s attention. I stared as people disappeared into the deep, under tumultuous waves never to be seen again. Never to be found, never to be seen again. Never to be found, never to breath, laugh, or cry. Never again. They were forever silenced. I, the remaining survivor and witness to their demise and destruction. I stared at the desolation, I stared as my friends breathed their last. I watched everyone I loved die.

So much depends

upon

The laughter of

one

Who will lead

most

Only some will

follow

At first I thought it was a prank but things got weirder. I kept finding random things in my house, these things were yours, but I could have sworn I gave them to your parents when you died. They were so distraught over the loss of their only son. I was too, but after two years I finally moved on. So why are you back? Everywhere I go I see you and what we used to be, what we could have been. Why are you bringing back these memories? I can‘t keep remembering you like this. The thoughts make it impossible to sleep. And now I’m longing for something that isn’t here. Let go of me! I need to move on. Please, I’m begging you. Please.

I am from a bitter and corrupt country filled with

sweet memories and moments of childhood

from climbing guava trees at grandmas house

from getting my hair done with my aunt

at the market

From singing, dancing, and laughing

I am from Lawrence in Elizabeth

I’m from fighting with my siblings one minute then

laughing the next

from shopping with my mom and having

spontaneous fashion shows

from car rides and watching movies with dad

from a loving and compassionate family

I am from struggling towards greatness

from always doing the best I can to be

the best I can be

from competing with friends over grades

laughing at our failures and celebrating our successes

from responsibility, intellect, and achievements

I am me, an enigma, conspicuous and odd

but open, friendly, and strong