My old Dad used to have a saying picture the scene.  I invite you now to 1970's Wolverhampton; my brother and I were 6 and 7 years old and had been invited to Michael's birthday party who lived across the street. We arrived scrubbed, tidied and combed to within an inch of our lives.  Clutching a packet of sweets and a home made card.

Let me tell you, the table was a spread of such delights we had never seen. There was Angel Delight, little sandwiches with three kinds of paste! Crisps AND hula hoops, sausages on cocktail sticks stuck into a potato covered in foil. There was a trifle so big it must have been made in a washing up bowl.

I glanced at my brother, his eyes were like saucers, he'd never seen such a feast.

And so we sat, birthday boy at the head of the table,  party hats on, drooling in anticipation. Michael's mum said "help yourselves to anything you like".

My brother scanned the table, then he looked the other children in the eye like a scene from a spaghetti western, then he reached across the table and grabbed the biggest dish of tinned strawberries I had ever seen, and started eating them with a teaspoon.