So the question was "why?". Those three little words that I dread every time. Truth is I really don't know why I do it; The moment it's in I just feel dark and my minds in a dark place and I feel myself not caring and maybe slowly even dying and then the first cut ... It's like a rebirth. It gives me a feeling of being alive and right then and there everything is fine for a second and then the pain slowly creeps up on you, But it's okay because it still gives you a sort of a warm feeling... so why? The reason is to just feel nothing but everything at the same time ,, sick isn't it?

J.E.S

That sensation of aggression,

Tell me what you want,

Make me drop to my knees,

And let me give you what you want.

Let me please you-

Let you please me-

I️ crave your flesh and blood on my body and within me.

I️ want it rough, I️ want it with you,

Slam me against the wall;

Allow me to feel it through my veins.

Imprint your emotions: amongst my body.

Disobey.

Slap me, just don’t leave a scar

I️ want it hard

I️ want to be sore..

I️ want to be used;

Deliberately.

Trust issues.

Overexposed

Overdone

Fucked me over once

I was left with none

Back at it again

Same old game

Even used to call me by my first name

Now it's I hate you

You hurt me so much

I guess we'll never know our potential

Even when push comes to shove

We are young

Not stupid, but young..

Young enough to believe being together could be enough:

I️m enough.

You’re enough.

But you do not make me enough, nor do I️ make you enough.

No one does anything more for me, then I do.

Only “I️” am enough for me.

Our love engulfed in the fire

Each fight

Each argument

Added to make it bigger

Little did we know there was a gas line beneath us

... and we caused an explosion

J.E.S

The smell of my perfume and cigarettes always make me reminisce

those summer nights

that rooftop

We’ll always be there together

Our energy

Trust game

Fall back

Please catch me

Before I️ completely fall off those pillars

The ones we once stood on so strong and haughty

All that sipped from underneath us

And you weren’t there to catch me

Once the drugs are submerged you're brought back to reality//

gasping for air as your lungs are filled with water; you wait for a life boat, anything to keep you from drowning again.

You think one person can save you, so you look for yourself, but I anchored me down, and kept me from breathing

J.E.S.

You know what's funny? How they try to medicate you and have that solve all your problems. Numb your brain so you don't feel that heart ache daily, make you forget what's suppose to be your drive in the first place. You lose yourself in a reality that's created by chemicals. I'm trying to refund myself because I'm not this happy person anymore; when you died a part of me died and no matter how much they try to "fix" me, the damage is already done. I'm so broken that I can't be broken anymore. The meds don't do anything but coat the pain, coat my soul in a glimpse of nothing but a hopeless vision..

J.E.S

The blood that runs through your veins is thick, but no thicker then the blood that your heart pump. Each breathe taken helps pump farther and farther along until you're gasping for air; laying on your bathroom floor. You used to be my best friend, someone I told everything too, but where did you go..?

Abandoned

Forgotten

Kicked to the curb

You know longer feel like my cousin, we no longer share the same blood and I'm no longer sad..

J.E.S