I sleep all day

To get away

The only time I feel alive

Is when I close my eyes

And dream that the Reaper will arrive

Mr. Reaper, where are you

I need you

To take away all of my pain

I can't keep waking up

With this hole in my chest

I need you here

I sleep all day

To get get away from this world

And everytime I sleep

I dream the Reaper will take me dead

I can't breathe

I can't see

This anxiety

Anxiety

Won't you take me please

Mr. Reaper

Mr. Reaper 

Won't you take me please 

Somewhere far away

For goodness sakes

I can't wait

Because I'm tired of

Tired of

Holding on

Holding on 

For so long

There's nothing left

What else can I do

Besides call for you

Words will never explain what it's like to watch your best friend die in your arms. You're doing everything in your power to stop him from bleeding out. Telling him that it's not that bad and he's going to be fine. The truth is, in the back of your mind you know he's dying and your trying to make his final moments on this wretched earth peaceful. Every single day that goes bye, I think of you. I think about all the good times that we've had together and the bad. I think about your wife and your beautiful baby girl. I think about how I wish it was me. I have nothing, you had everything. The anger, the sadness, they will never escape me. I wish I could have saved you from that Improvised explosive device, but I couldn't. The second you stepped on that pressure plate, it was over. Even though I was disorientated and there was blood poring from my ears and legs; my first instinct was to help you. I can't even put into words how I feel to this day. I see this every night while I try to sleep. I love you Taylor and I'm sorry that I couldn't save you.

I am not a writer, so please do bear with me if anyone reads this. What they never tell you when you deploy is that you will lose everything. The girl that you love with all of your being, your sense of self worth, the feeling of fear, how your mind goes on autopilot and your body follows suit. The girl that you loved, trusted and confided in leaves you while you're in a firefight praying to a god you've never believed in. Praying that you make it home alive and are able to hold her in your ams. The "best guy friend" is never just a best guy friend. He must feel like a man knowing that I was overseas fighting day in and day for the brothers next to me and myself while he was kissing my "girlfriend". I am now home and its been months, but a piece of me was left overseas and the other piece of me is broken. Everyday i wake up with a hole in my chest. Something feels empty inside of me and I just want to feel normal. I want to feel alive. This depression is crippling me.

Become the guardian

And protect our universe

We are consumed by the fallen

It is our destiny to save this world

We need you stormcaller

We need you sunbreaker

We need you nightstalker

We need you to take this universe back

You're the reason why I cant listen to those same songs I used to

I texted you the other day to see whats new

But the text stayed blue

I wish it wasn't true

You're gone and I don't know what to do

I wish I had a clue

So much I wish I told you, only if you knew

I have a paper due, but the only things I can write are about you

you're a long way from home now

And there's nothing I can do

I wish you'd come back to us dude

If you would have talked to us we could have helped you through

You were selfish

Did you ever think about the crew

I'm sorry dude

I broke down when I heard the news

You should have seen the camera crews

Things wont be the same since we lost you

Everyone came to the funeral

The words your mom spoke were truly beautiful

But you're home now and thats indisputable

Your family has been up to the usual

Your brother nick grew up quick

Hes been kickin it with this chick

Wish you could see his clique you'd get such a kick

Were starting to get a grip

We all know you were sick

Never thought you'd be the one to slip

We took a trip to see you

Sparked an l and reminisced

You are truly missed

Im saying this with a clenched fist

Because I'm pissed

But I'll see you when we coexist

For now I'll just drift

And sift through the emotions

That inhibit the motions

I now understand the notions

You were gold and thats why you could never stay

You're gone now

I just wish there was something I could say

You're the reason why I cant listen to those same songs I used to

I texted you the other day to see whats new

But the text stayed blue

I wish it wasn't true

You're gone and I don't know what to do

I wish I had a clue

So much I wish I told you, only if you knew

I have a paper due, but the only things I can write are about you

you're a long way from home now

And there's nothing I can do

I wish you'd come back to us dude

If you would have talked to us we could have helped you through

You were selfish

Did you ever think about the crew

Im sorry dude

I broke down when I heard the news

You should have seen the camera crews

Things wont be the same since we lost you

Everyone came to the funeral

The words your mom spoke were truly beautiful

But you're home now and thats indisputable

Your family has been up to the usual

Your brother nick grew up quick

Hes been kickin it with this chick

Wish you could see his clique you'd get such a kick

Were starting to get a grip

We all know you were sick

Never thought you'd be the one to slip

We took a trip to see you

Sparked an l and reminisced

You are truly missed

Im saying this with a clenched fist

Because I'm pissed

But I'll see you when we coexist

For now I'll just drift

And sift through the emotions

That inhibit the motions

I now understand the notions

You were gold and thats why you could never stay

You're gone now

I just wish there was something I could say

As time goes

The only thing I'll ever know

Is how to be somebody I'm not

Because I'm hiding behind

This broken heart

I'm sick of this mess

Its tearing me apart

And It's tearing us apart

I've never tried so hard

To make you smile

Because I know

It's been a while

Seeing that dimple

Would make it all worthwhile