He says he is a monster.

All he sees is red.

He’s bashed in heads,

Broken hands,

And busted lips.

He believes rage

Is all he is capable of

But I know the truth.

He is a teddy bear.

All he wants is love.

He’s stroked my head,

Held my hand,

And kissed my lips.

I know how much affection

He is truly capable of

I just wish he could see it too.

I never thought I’d die

By the hands of you.

I never thought I’d love him.

I never thought they would hurt me,

But I was blind.

I kept on crying,

Praying,

Hoping someone would hear me.

I mourned losing myself.

I was stuck,

A constant carrousel

Of sorrow.

No one to help me,

No one to show me the way.

I learned in the abyss

How to protect my heart

And how to survive on my own.

I learned how to be my own saviour,

Because I’m the only one who cares enough

To try.

Co written by my two younger sisters and I <3

Fuck being perfect.

Fuck caring about what others think.

We’re on this world for a very short time,

Not long enough to live up to any standards

Other than our own.

Who cares if I dress provocatively?

Who cares if I eat too much good food?

Who cares if I don’t have a slim waist

Or if I’m tall?

Who cares if I have stretch marks

Or cellulite

Or pimples

Or a tummy that pushes out a bit?

Who cares if I do my makeup

So dark it’s the night sky

Or so bright

Boats know where shore is?

Who truly cares about what I do?

No one.

No one is watching my every move.

No one is judging my every choice.

No one cares.

So as long as I’m happy doing what I’m doing,

I’m gunna keep on doing it.

Four hours

Until I’m an adult.

Four.

Hours.

Wait, now it’s three.

Where is the time going?

I’m scared.

I never thought

I would make it this far.

All my life

This day was a blur.

Eighteen.

I didn’t think I’d be alive

To see this day.

What do I do?

I’ve joked

About drugs and alcohol,

About how they’ll be legal,

But should I actually take them?

Now two hours.

Oh god,

What do I do?

I’m running out of time!

One hour!

Will I make it?

Will I stay alive?

Thirty minutes!

I can’t think!

I can’t breath!

Five minutes!

I can’t!

Four minutes!

I won’t!

Three!

There’s nothing

Two!

I can

One!

Do!

I made it...?

I made it.

I am

Addicted

To taste.

Sweet,

Salty,

Sour,

Creamy,

Hot,

Tangy,

I crave

them all.

Life

Is to be

Lived

With flavour.

Plainness

Is for those

Who are lifeless.

Maybe

That’s why

I still crave

The taste

Of her

Lips...

I care about myself

Because no one else will.

No one is willing to stay up late with me

And hold me tight

So I feel alright,

So I will hug myself

And caress my own face

Whispering that things will work out.

No one will take me out on dates

And make me feel pretty,

So I will go to dinner alone

And bask in my own company

Then take myself out shopping

For a outfit that makes me feel beautiful.

No one will cook me dinner

And make sure I’m eating right,

So I will dance around my kitchen

While cooking delicious food

And blast the music

That makes my heart sing.

I will continue to do this,

Even if someone comes to care,

Because I have grown to love myself

And they can never take that away.

Look up at him,

Look away.

Look back at him

And study his features.

His eyes are captivating.

Wait,he caught you staring!

Look down at your paper

And pretend you weren’t gawking.

He’s coming closer.

He’s at your desk.

He taps your shoulder.

You look up at his gorgeous face

And fake ignorance.

He flashes his pearly whites

And let’s out a melodic laugh

That makes your heart flutter.

You go home that night,

A smile on your face

And his number in your phone.

I’ve washed myself hundreds of times,

I’ve scraped my skin raw,

Yet I can still feel your hands on my body

And I can feel your lips against my skin.

I tear out my hair and cry into the night

Because I can’t stand to see myself in the mirror,

Can’t stand to see your prey.

I changed the way I dressed,

I dyed my hair pink,

I did dark and striking makeup

To make myself unappealing to you.

I didn’t want to be your sweet treat.

When you told her it was my fault

And cried for his forgiveness

I spiralled.

Food was never consumed,

Bleach was not enough,

And the blade became my only friend

Because everyone else left with you.

The bottles of pills tempted me.

If one can make me better why not take them all?

My heart is nothing special.

It is not a ruby

The size of my fist,

Nor is it a stash

Of glittering gold coins,

But I will protect it as if it was.

Too many times

Have I allowed people

To touch my heart,

Only for them to

Break it.

Not anymore.

I will treat it as if it is precious,

I will guard it with all my might

And I will die before I let another person

Into this vault again.

I beg of you,

Lady death,

Take me with you.

Take me far,

Far

Away.

So I will

Never

Be this broken again.