Understand
No one understands my mind,
So I isolate.
Go through the motions,
Get the necessities done.
Eat lunch alone,
Sit in lectures alone.
I crave comfort and connection,
But only if they understand.
Tired of pretending life is beautiful,
When all I see is darkness.
A smile can only remain on my shell for so long.
Do I come out of isolation to make you feel better?
Pretending is exhausting.
Is hiding the truth considered lying?
The ones I have told pretend it never happened.
Pretend I never lost or loved.
Pretend I am not in deep despair.
Or they don’t know.
I don’t tell them,
But I hoped she would know.
I hint at my true feelings,
But she could never understand.
I don’t want your tears.
I don’t want your sympathy.
I want understanding,
But where do I find it?
Who do I find it in?
I isolate myself from everyone.
My bed is my cocoon.
I leave my safe haven for him,
The one I have lost.
He used to isolate every day,
Even from me.
Now I follow in his footsteps.
It makes sense,
We handle pain in the same way.
Blood is thicker than water.
Blood was not thicker than beer.
Or cigarettes.
Permanently alone in my mind,
No matter where my body is located.
Permanently isolated due to the trauma,
No one will ever understand.
#nonfiction #poetry #challengeoftheweek #prosepoem #loss
Running Through Life
I was once walking,
Calm as a still summer night with chirping crickets
Content as a purring cat curled up beside a fireplace
Innocent as a baby bird before ever taking flight
Radiant as the moon adding light to a dark world
Now I am running,
Unclear of a direction
Frightened to look behind
Yet petrified to look ahead
Maybe if I close my eyes, the ground will stand still
If I could only catch my breath for an instant
Ever since the snow, I quickened my pace
Suffocating with a smile plastered on my face
Heart pounding even when fast asleep
Dizzy and sweating,
Yet my toes are ice cold
Running from the past because the memories are too vivid
Just a reminder of what I have lost
I miss the simple days,
The days of playgrounds and sprinklers and ice cream trucks
The nights of movies and sleepovers and star gazing
I miss his voice and his hugs and his humour
Memories that can never be recreated because he is gone
Why remember the time when smiles were more common than cries?
So I forgot for the moment
I wonder if I will ever remember again
If I will ever want to remember
Running through life,
Letting moments of happiness and achievement pass me by
My eyes dart from place to place
I twist the ring on my finger as my mind spins
Focus lost, only confusion remains
How will I live without him by my side?
Running ahead and never turning my head
I will need a break from it all soon
Trying to slow down,
Learning to catch my breath and feel in control again
Hoping for a future filled with unwavered joy
Even without him, I pray for my success
I see him but he’s too far to reach
Patience will guide me through the years,
and comfort me through the days
But
I will
Get
To
Him
Faster
By
Ru n n i n g