I need to explode.

I need a grand production--a fiery, dazzling release of all that has built up within me.

"Grin and bear it."

It's become unbearable, and my grin is wearing thin.

My pearly whites and my bright eyes have grown dim.

Unless I explode, I remain dull, dimming, and dismal.

I was blindsided as I blindly looked at one side of you.

I’ve always been a big picture person but when it came to you, everything became one dimensional and I was trapped in a handcrafted box of infatuation where all I saw and all I wanted was you to—

You didn’t love me the way I loved you and you didn’t fantasize me, but I romanticized you as an entity that extended beyond your human capacity.

I believed in that green light you radiated and in the warmth of feeling that was so close I could almost touch it but oh my G—

You can’t build your life around a human being.

The emperor of ice cream has melted and I’m left with a lost illusion.

when the flowers are wilting

and the house is dilapidated

and creaky

and falling apart

and somebody is at the door at night

when you’re homealone!!!!

what are you supposed to do other than

run for your life

and scream except that isn’t sociallyacceptable

so you hold it in

like you’re holding your breath

except the fear is building up

and you’re going to explode

but not in the traditional sense of fire

and smoke but

in the humanstyle of erratic breathing

and blood rhythms

and trembling

and crying

but then that’s not socially acceptable

either

so really no matter

what you are going to embarrass yourself

and be sociallyunacceptable at one point

or another

and that one point may as well be now

because whatever you have to lose will be lost anyways

and time will do nothing

but attach you to the temporal

so it’s time to stop being SOCIALLYACCEPTABLE

and it’s time to start running around screaming

--homage to ee cummings