And then I felt my soul crumble...

The pain was worse than the shatter of my heart.

My vision begins to blur

As I douse myself in alcohol.

There's no point in sleeping;

I'm living a nightmare.

All my limbs grow numb and fall off

As I tread deeper into the river of lost souls.

. . .

It's too late for a goodbye.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Whirring machines

Nauseous and dizzy

What happened to me?

Bandages and wraps

Are the only objects

Holding my body together

Stale air.

It's such a dull white room

A stranger walks into the room

A quiet neighbor joins too

Fake smiles and hidden pain

Stale air, stale air.

What happened to me?

I pick up my violin

Around it's neck.

It's hung snug underneath my chin.

Out in the distance, there's not even a speck.

No movement. No whispers. Nothing.

Just me.

Take a deep breath, in and out.

Breathe-

SQUEAK

Then there's a SHRIEK

The audience begins to speak,

And all the debris begins to fall on me.

The chortles.

The scoffs.

The whispers.

"This isn't me,"

My vision turns dark and red,

I'm playing on broken strings.

Drip, drop. Drip, drop.

When can I leave?

My instrument is stained crimson;

It's forever discolored.

I look up and see the faces staring at me.

Pointing. Gasping. Shouting.

.......

Shouting? Running? Helping?

Helping me?

This isn't me

I ponder how much longer this will continue.

Sitting alone in the rain,

The faint ringing of the clock mentions that

It is 2 a.m.

Looming above are heavy raindrops pouring,

Lacking of gaiety.

Lights do not shine tonight;

Only the soft glow of darkness takes over.

Very faintly, I begin to hear the trees swaying.

Everything is beginning to spin and scream;

Yet I stay seated on the floor of my balcony.

Over and over, I'm getting drowned by nature.

Unforgivable is this storm.

It's time to say goodnight, my lovely rose.

Last night, they came in to diagnose.

And while you may be doleful, I suppose

It was my fault that I froze.

But if you may, at least let me propose:

Shed your extra layer of clothes

(But do not overexpose).

I say goodnight, my lovely rose

Because I am beginning to doze.

All I want from you is to compose

Somewhere for just the two of us; a cosmos,

I suppose.

Goodnight, my lovely rose.

Diagnosed: Comatose.

The letters in my mind have jumbled

Into words that haunt me in my sleep.

Those words are all I think about

As I drag through the day, feet

Shuffling across the cold, hard ground.

I follow around, not sure where I'm going;

My home is gone.

I follow strangers to the foul park,

The abandoned woods, the decrepit houses,

All while the words are still in my mind.

Anxiety fills me up, and I drown it

With a few sips.

The words are gone now.

I wake up in a bed that I don't recognize.

10 missed calls from my parents.

But none from the one I love.

My head is pounding and my throat is dry.

The words are returning.

I can't do this right now, can't think about

The one I love. 

Ever.

Just a few more sips.

Swallow a few more pills.

Take a couple more naps.

Miss a few more days.

Anything to keep me distracted.

I need to take a buzz of this

Caffeine to wake up my veins

That have been permanently asleep.

I need to swallow this pill

To make my mind feel at ease

In order to keep my sanity.

I need to sit and 

Rest my eyes for a moment

So that I can feel well rested.

I need to sit in the rain

So that I can hear the oncoming

Sound of the train

Coming towards me,

So that I can catch my breath.

Excuse after excuse until

I can feel normal again.