My father was;

Estranged,

Distant,

Disinterested,

Moody,

Short tempered,

Irritable,

Demanding,

Unapproachable,

Judgemental,

Unforgiving,

Haughty,

Overbearing.

Tired of trying,trying to survive.Survive the spying eyes.Spying to see whether I’m smiling.

I’m tired of smiling.Smiling at the prying eyes, eyeing and pretending that they’re not looking.Looking at me falling apart.Yes I’m smiling but deep down I’m dying.

I’m tired of crying.Crying for my soul so broken.It’s broken into pieces.Laying bare for all to see.I say I’m okay, but they know I’m lying.

I’m tired of laughing.Laughing at the lies,sounding so hollow.I’m scared they’ll think I’m shallow ,if I say why I’m sad.This bitter pill I have to swallow.

Tired of trying.Trying and failing to hide the tears.I’m fighting so hard to keep them from shining and showing my sorrow.

I’m tired of fighting,fighting to keep it together.I wipe my tears because I don’t want to appear weak..week after week.

I’m tired of hiding.Hiding the truth.Maybe when the timing is right,they will all know why I stopped being a sight for sore eyes.

But first,they have to break through my heart,because right now it’s turned into ice.