“Tonight’s the night,” I recited to myself, dick sliding in and out of my throat.

It’s hard to be too anxious about anything when you’re focusing on not gagging. But I had a plan: give head, use tongue, swallow, then come up and ask him. All without choking.

Swirling it around in my mouth, I couldn’t help beginning to get nervous again. We’d been doing this for almost three months and it was only about a month ago that I got that awful, vaguely indigestive feeling that I kind of definitely wanted more. He was funny, and smart, and nicer than most ponytail-sporting guitar players I’d fucked around with before. He didn’t do the thing where he disappeared for days on end then texted me paragraphs about how he “just needed some space from the world.” He never even texted after midnight, except for that one time.

We had met at one of those friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend parties, the kind at which you always hope to meet someone because it’s a room full of strangers about your own age. I didn’t go home with him that night—I made a point of not going home with him that night, because I am trying to turn over a new leaf, dammit—but I gave him my number, and he texted me the very next day. We went to dinner. I went home with him that night.

I was pretty sure that night that I’d be happy only seeing him a few more times. He was impressive for about an hour, but hearing him talk long enough, it became clear that all his music knowledge, philosophy knowledge, it’s all just a veneer just thick enough to hide the fact that he’s a big dumb nerd just like me. I certainly don’t want to date me. But after several more porkings than I anticipated, he started to grow on me. You know the way. Like weeds.

Just as I began reciting the words in my head—“So I’ve been thinking, what are we doing here? Because I was wondering if you might want to—” his dick began pulsating and my mouth filled with that salty taste. I swallowed, because I’m a keeper, and came up for air. Braced myself.

“So, what are we doing here?” He had beaten me to it.

“Because...I’ve been seeing some other people. I like what we have going on here, I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page.” I finished swallowing.

“Yeah, same.” I smiled and took my top off.

#flashfiction #fiction #sex #friendswithbenefits #romance #erotica

hello!! here is what i am and who i am and what i will always be!!

please sell me a shirt that i can put it on!

let us go to PRIDE and march alongside WAL-MART with our TD BANK flags!

let us go to bars and clubs and be young and sexy as we are supposed to be!

never mind that

a body can do so much more than what the str8s see on tv

a body can be used by its user in so many ways and

can be so many things and

sometimes words aren't enough and

sometimes saying HELLO! this is what i am and always will be!!

is more comfortable for those on the outside trying to make sense

of the beautiful strange confused and wise body

just trying to move and make 

its world

staying in bed all day will make you sick and

turning away and keeping cold

deleting and deleting and deleting

will keep you alone but

what i don't tell you when i tell you i'll be alright

when i tell you it's going to be okay is that

i cannot see ahead of tonight

i haven't seen a single second of the past two years

before they hit me

all i know is the familiar face of this black cloud

in the mirror 

over the bed

and my greatest dream is to happily live

with my bitterness with my curses

what i haven't told you when i told you i'm okay

is that i am certain it will always be this way