When you open your eyes, the first thing you notice is her. How could you not? Her beauty is otherworldly.

She appears to be an expression of the universe. Actually, quite literally. Her skin is made of space; there are small patches of nebulas all over her body from what you can see, and freckles that are made out of stars. She wears a long flowing dress. It goes from white at the very top, down into a dark, deep purple at the bottom edges.

Focusing on her face, you can see that she looks sad, maybe even a little confused. Her eyes glow a soft white and she has a third eye between her eyebrows. The third eye has an iris and pupil; although you couldn’t pick just one colour to describe it. You rise to your feet, feeling a little self-conscious. She starts to step forward and her arms, originally at her sides, come up towards your face. This startles you, and you take a few quick steps back. She stops, and drops her arms back to her sides, a smile is barely visible on her lips.

“I’m sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she says, her voice is soft. “I just didn’t expect to see you so soon. It’s still very early for me to see you,” she continues.

Your face twists in confusion. What does that mean?

As if she hears your thought, she answers, “Oh, I’m sorry, I should explain. I guess you’re confused and maybe even a bit scared. My job is to guide people into their...next life,” she says gently.

Hearing this makes you even more confused. Next life? ”.....what do you mean?” You say. Your voice is very faint and cracks like it hasn’t been used in long time.

“You don’t remember, do you? Oh well, it will come back soon. Here, come walk with me,” her voice is gentle and patient, almost like a mother to her child. She turns and starts to walk forward, glancing behind to make sure you follow.

You hesitate at first, but you find yourself following her. This is the first time you pay attention to your surroundings. It seems as though there are no walls, or ceilings, just space stretching out forever. You look down at the floor, it’s pitch black like a void. It suddenly drops off at the side edges that are not at all even. And the sky, or what is above and around you at least, is space. Brightly coloured nebulas, planets you’ve never heard of, and bright stars are everywhere. You are walking through the galaxy.

How is this possible? You think to yourself. You look toward the lady again. She’s stopped and is looking at you. You feel your face redden as you realize you’ve stopped and she’s waiting for you. She quietly laughs and turns back around to continue walking. You start following again and catch up to walk beside her.

“Uhh.....excuse me,” you look up towards her.

“Hm.”

“What...what is your name?” She looks at you. Both of you are still walking.

“Oh, my name. Let’s see, you can call me....the Lady of Stars. Or just Lady, or maybe just Stars. Whichever you prefer,” she replies. Her smile fades a little.

You look down, becoming lost in thought. “How is this possible? Is this just some really weird dream? Where are we?” You wonder out loud.

The Lady of Stars sighs, her smile is gone completely. “Dear, this is no dream, I promise you. We are between life and what comes next.”

“What does that mean?”

“I think you can figure that one out on your own, dear,” she says gently.

You think, and becoming deep in thought you finally realize what’s going on. “I’m....,” your throat feels tight, you can’t say the last word. Like if you don’t say it, it won’t be real.

“Yes, dear. It’s alright. Like I said my job is to guide people into their next life,” she tells you. She stops walking and so do you. You can see the end of the path.

“No….this can’t be happening. I-I have so much to do, so much to live for,” your voice shakes and cracks, “I-I can’t be.” You turn away from her and try to run the way you came. However, the pathway that was there moments ago is now gone. You can see the black edges crumbling off, getting closer and closer to where you stand.

Tears start to slowly fall down your cheeks. Your chest feels tight and your fear starts to take over. The tears fall faster and faster. You’re shaking, you can’t seem to stop yourself.

“This job never gets easier,” the Lady of Stars whispers to herself. She gently places a hand on you back. “It’s alright, I’m right here. I will help you through this, okay?” Speaking very softly to you.

“I’m so scared,” is what you manage to say before breaking down even more. Falling to your knees you feel like a void has replaced everything that was supposed to be in your chest.

“I promise it’ll be okay. I know the unknown can be terrifying and I’m not allowed to tell you what comes after this, but I’ll be here for you until you are ready to continue,” she bends down and collects you into a hug. Her arms wrap around you and she hushes you gently. Like any mother would. Maybe she is a mother or was could be more accurate.

“You may not think this, but I know what this is like. I can tell you a story if you’d like?”

Still crying, you nod your head and listen. She goes on to tell a story about a mother who lost her three children and gave into heartbreak. How she felt like how you were feeling right now.

Your tears slow and you take deep breaths. Slowly, but surely, you calm down. You pull away from the Lady of Stars, “How do I continue?”

She unwraps her arms and looks at you. “You step off the edge here,” she point to the end of the walkway. “You can hold my hand and when you are ready you let go. Then I’ll send you off when you are ready.”

“Won’t I fall if I do that?”

Patient she continues on, “No dear, you will float.”

You breathe deeply again and your shaking stops completely, “Okay, I think I’m ready.”

“Alright,” she stands up and helps you to your feet. Together you step closer to the edge. You take her hand and even step closer to the edge. You peer over. There are stars down there but fade after a while into complete darkness.

“Promise you won’t leave?” You ask in a small voice. You feel a little childish asking her to promise this but you feel the need to make sure she’ll stay with you until the end of this.

“Of course, I promise I’ll stay here,” she assures.

Nodding you take one last deep breath and step off as cautiously as you could manage.

It feels like you are floating. Well, you are floating. Your body is light and feels as if you are barely there. She leans forward, “I’m going to send you to your next life, okay?”

”....okay,” you say while nodding. Your voice barely audible to your own ears and you’re not sure if she hears you.

“Alright. Here we go then,” she whispers to you. “Just remember you are loved. I promise you.” The Lady of Stars ever so gently and ever so carefully places a kiss on your forehead. You’re not sure if this is real or not. She leans back lets go of your hands and you feel even lighter.

You are fading. You are scared all of a sudden, you feel like you’re disappearing. You look for the Lady of Stars, you cannot see her but she says there is no need to be afraid. Please I don’t want to go. I don’t want to be forgotten.

You may feel like you’re disappearing, but you are not. I promise, you are not.

Death makes wake so soon

Breathing down my neck

Wrapping cold hands around me

Whispering 'you're mine'

Sending shivers down my spine

The hairs pick up from their resting place

My breath too fast

And too shallow

Eyes water

Heart racing

Please don't let me go

Chest shrivelling

Lungs collapse

I don't want to disappear

Dark low voice tickles my ear

'I've got you now'

     The wind hollows through the the trees, blowing leaves up into my face. Fall is here, which means that winter is nearing. Life will so be limited. Reaching and plucking a small green leaf, the last one left alive on the tree, and watch it shival in my hands. The leaf now brown and wrinkly, having the life drain out of it. How I wish I could do something other than this. 

      I am something everyone fears, the one I love is what everyone clings to. As I am Death and they are Life; we could never be more apart. It’s cruel this world, I take and take from Life’s wonders, only destroying them, unable to admire them for long. I wish I could just hold their hand and be together, but the nature for which we are, we cannot.

Sighing, I continue walking through the forest. The grass under my feet dying slowly as I pass. Walking closer and closer to the stream, I hum a gentle tune. Something soft, and slow. Once I am close enough I kneel down beside the river's edge, and run my pale fingers through the water. The chill from it bites at my fingers, but I barely notice since my hands are as cold as the deads. I close my eyes, humming, and feeling the cold water rush through my fingertips.

     “Why did you make me like this?” I whisper under my breath. “Please just tell me why. Did I do something wrong? Is there anything I can do to become something else?” But I’m only met by the hollowing of the wind and the rushing sounds of the stream. I start humming again, different tune this time. More mournful, more sorrowful. My thoughts drift from one thing to the next, like this tide of muddy water, nothing really clear, but enough to make sense of it.

     “Hello Death. What are you doing?” A smooth, and gentle voice that worms its way into my ears, breaking my thoughts. I could never forget their voice.

     “Hello Life. I’m just enjoying this quiet, little forest,” my words come out just above a whisper and the wind threatens to take my words away. I hear the steps and take a small glance over my shoulder, only catching their feet and the grass and flowers sprouting to life. They sit down beside me.

     “I’ve been looking for you, why have you been avoiding me?” I can feel their pleading, beautiful eyes on me.

     “I haven’t,” I whisper, knowing that I’m lying.

     They sigh, “Then why haven’t I been able to find you?”

"Maybe you haven't been looking hard enough," I half mutter to myself and notice the tone of annoyance in my voice. Shit, why did I say it like that? "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

I'm avoiding eye contact as much as I possibly can, but they gently lift my head so our eyes meet. I can feel my face and ears burn as they turn red. Their beautiful green eyes sparkle, and their dark skin like the colour of the earth. They are the most ethereal being of beauty I've ever set my eyes on. I can't help by fall a little more in love with them.

"How about we take a walk, then?" Their voice sparks butterflies in my stomach.

"Alright, let's go then."

Hold me tight

Hold me close

Keeping hushed words

For only the two of us

Youthful lovers

Within each other's grasp

Losing grasp

Chests tight

These young lovers

Are very close

Don't force us

Over the edge with your harsh words

People have hateful words

Just keep our grasp

We get to decide what's good for us

Hugs so tight

We're so close

Honey, I love that we're lovers

Down deep in the soul of lovers

There are secret whispered words

That keep them close

Hands grasp

Hearts intertwine tight

Planting roots for us

It's up to us

As we are queer lovers

To stand tall with our holding hands tight

Block out their words

Don't let them grasp

Don't let them in too close

We're almost there, we're so close

Come on, the two of us

Have almost done it with each in our grasp

We know as lovers

Loving words

Can make bonds tight

We young lovers hold each other tight

Our words whispered for only us

We grasp at each to hold ourselves close

I often look at my body

And hate it

I hate the curves

And the bumps

I hate that it chains me to girl

I hate when people say I'm beautiful

I just want to be handsome

I hate that I'll always be seen as a she

I feel guilty

For my lover

Who didn't know for a while

That my gender changes

Like tides of the ocean

I'm confused

I know that I'm

Genderfluid

But it can be difficult

Sometimes I love my body

And sometimes not

I just need support

Please just use something else

I'm not a she

Or a her

Just a they

Following the words

Whispered by the flowing tides

Legs wobble

Chest tight

Arms shaking

Head spinning

I'm about to fall apart

My world crumbles

Out of my hands

Lost

Will it be found again?

Rebuilt again?

Everything that is me

Starts to tear

I try to hold it together

Failing

I just have to

Pick the pieces back up

Again

And many more

Times after

The tide drifts in and out. Barely anything disturbs the ocean water. It is as still as I've ever see it. Just on the horizon, the sun is dipping down letting the moon have its turn in the sky. The sunsets are always so beautiful. 

My mind drifts just as the tides do. Slowly thinking from one thing to the next, very fluidly. Sometimes I wish I could leave this island. But it's a silly thought. No one could leave. No one is allowed to leave. It was too dangerous since most of the world was destroyed. At least, that's what they say. No place to go but here.

But still, I wish......