Lamentum

A smokey bar, stoned strangers,

The reek of stale sweat and beer.

Slamming down another shot,

Thinking, "What the hell am I doing here?"

A simple glance, a sly smirk,

A nervous chortle on my end.

A few words, soft and sweet,

Then we're leaving, hand in hand.

On a stranger's bed, in the dark,

It doesn't smell much better than the bar.

I'm not excited, but terrified;

I never thought I'd get this far.

They sent me out, on a dare,

And said if I won, they'd leave me be.

But if I lost, I'd still have fun.

Thinking, "This doesn't seem very fun to me..."

Then it starts, the strange ritual.

Tension, heavy breathing, strange sounds.

They didn't tell me there'd be any pain.

I want it over now.

But it drags on and on and on,

Continuing until I just can't take it.

I take advice from those more experienced

And do my best to promptly "fake it".

Feeling empty, as my "partner" sleeps.

They told me what to do from here.

Quietly, carefully pulling on my clothes;

Now I smell like sweat and beer.

I don't leave my number or even my name,

I just want to get myself home.

I slip out the door, breathe in the cool air.

Even now, I feel broken and afraid.

Light streaming through the window,

Tangling with sheets on my own bed.

All I want to do is forget,

But that night plays on repeat in my head.

I feel I can't move, I feel I can't breathe.

I feel I've become a mime.

I thought I'd enjoy it, honestly I did;

After all, it was my first time...

They were right, I suppose.

I did lose, it's true.

But they lied to me about it,

When I was ignorant, when I didn't have a clue.

They said virginity holds you back

From going out and having true fun.

I wish I hadn't tossed it away.

I wish that night could be undone.