Frayed at the Edges

The day I lost my virginity,

I was far from home.

I was alone,

Responsible or so I thought.

In my teenage angsty rush

to be an adult,

I stumbled.

He snuck me into his hotel room.

Early in the morning,

before our teacher

was even awake.

We were both seniors.

We were adults,right?

Wrong.

Long years of teasing,

of rough kisses,

awkward gropes,

lust-filled glances,

towards each other,

Culminated into a single moment.

Of fear-tinged, twitchy pain.

I wasn't really ready,

but I thought I was.

How could I know then what i know now?

How could I know that,

he was the wrong one?

The pain was unexpected,

but i could feel his erection

inside of me.

My first -real- feeling of being filled

was ripped away when I pushed at him

-hard-.

I wasn't ready,

I whispered quickly;

fleeing towards the attached bathroom.

There was -so- much blood.

I lied to the teacher.

I lied to my best friend at the time,

in asking her for a tampon,

claiming to be 'on the rag'

as it was termed back then.

To this day, i feel guilt for my lies.

I was just so desperately scared.

Our culmination frayed,

That day was our last day,

together.