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Write the absolute worst opening paragraph of a cheap detective novel.
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lutherdixon

Case files: telling the untold

In the dark, smothering night of the late December patrols on Cutthroat Street, detective Anthony Blade walks his beat, making sure all the rats are keeping to their nest. The shadows dance as the street light to his left flickers slightly, when suddenly, a tall grotesque figure, hidden by the shadows, jumps out in front of him wielding a tire iron, speaking very hastily and angrily with clicks and whistles as if it were his native tongue. Anthony made not a moments hesitation, taking a switchblade knife, made of solid chrome, outside of a bedazzled and ruby encrusted holder on his hip, and sliced the crazed unseen figure from ear to ear, causing blood to spew from the deep gash through his neck. As the body falls to the ground gurgling on blood, Anthony laughs and kisses his blade, while thinking to himself how much he loves patrolling during the eternal darkness of the night.