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Write the absolute worst opening paragraph of a cheap detective novel.
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Lsu11

I am sorry to anyone who reads this - but it says it needs to be terrible

I am a detective. The kind that solves mysteries. And right now, I have a doozy of a case. There was a shooting. The kind where some body ends up dead. Splattered on pavement shoved from a third story window after being stabbed. Was it the wife? Probably. It was always the wife. I should just go ahead and arrest her. But wait. She is also dead. So it must be the mistress. A revenge killing. Case closed. Now on to the next. And I bet it will be just as difficult to solve as this one.