Suicide

I really truly can't deal with so much pain.

They say it's temporarily that'll pass like the seasons

But it's not seasons 

They're years of overwhelming sadness that I dont know how much my heart will take 

It feels like a never ending cycle

When will it just stop ? 

& why in the world does it have feel so suffocating to the point you can't breath or see 

because your vision keeps on blurring from the endless sobs and tears your body is releasing

Or sometimes you just can't cry and it's  so numbingly scary to intoxicate yourself but never releasing the toxins.

 They just stay in your body building up till you have a total breakdown and My God does it feel horrifying & you can't stop crying and sadest part is 

deep down you know why but your not ready to admit that this is it . Never more nothing less 

But please if there's hope like they say there is come my way soon I don't know how much longer I could do this