Smiling Hurts

I smile because I have hope,

Hope in those around me. 

I have hope in their potential and talent. 

I have hope in their happiness and well-being. 

I have hope in their perseverance and strength.

I have hope in their futures. 

Every single day, 

As I look around,

All I see are amazing people. 

I would give compliments 

and encouragement 

and support. 

I would give smiles

And kind gestures,  

And it warms my heart

Whenever one is returned. 

But at the end of the day, 

As I lay in bed, 

Struggling to fall asleep, 

Looking at the cloudy night sky, 

I think to myself...

Why am I so incompetent? 

I do not have potential or talent. 

I am not happy, nor am I well. 

I do not have the strength to persevere. 

I do not have a future, 

Not one where I can smile for myself. 

I had wish there was someone

To give me compliments

And encouragement

And support. 

I had wish there was someone

To give me smiles 

And kind gestures-- 

So I could warm their hearts

By returning the actions. 

I had wish there was someone 

To make me feel amazing, 

Contrary to how I feel. 

I am not happy. 

And I am reminded of the fact

Every time I smile. 

Smiling hurts. 

And I can no longer take the pain.