“you don’t know what you got till it’s gone”

i reminisce nighttime road trips singing these lyrics with my sister in the backseat

but i never considered those words would ring so true

when the bones in my foot cracked and my ligaments tore apart like broken seams or cracks in the foundation of my precious childhood home i wept and i yelled

the regret for my stupid goddamn recklessness swept across my mind in dark, eerie waves like a memory you’d rather not remember because it makes you feel like a complete failure

but once the anger wore off and i was forced to lay alongside my thoughts for those months of bedrest, i discovered nooks and crannies of myself that i never knew were there

i realized how beautifully the human body is assembled, so that the placement of every bone and every vein allows for endless types of movement with a nearly magical connection to the brain

my sliced flesh healed back together, determined to recover even stronger than before

through my bedroom window i watched seagulls dancing gracefully with the wind, not realizing what it'd be like to have a broken wing

and the colors of the sky shifting like the communal paint water in a kindergarten art class

teasing us with a glimpse of what a masterpiece the world could be

i traveled to my dream destinations in my head and created new ones with ink on blank paper

and i am awaiting the day when i am permitted to be sent out into the real one again

and only then will i see reality with the refreshed gaze of a newborn child

i have never been one to dance, but i swear, i will sway to the rhythms of the traffic and the clouds

i have never been too enthusiastic about running but i promise you, i will wake up each morning before sunrise to soar through the drowsy streets with a newfound energy i can finally release

i will take you by the hand and we will explore all there is to see, on my finally functioning two feet, and i will learn what it’s like to walk and to live again.