It’s Complicated
It’s Complicated
August 26, 2025
“So, how can I help you?”
She sat motionless for a few seconds, breathing deeper with each passing moment, almost building the courage to either escape my office or confess all of her sins in a tidal wave of angst and power.
To be a professional in this business, I hope for the latter.
She chose the latter.
“I am in love with two people. The first is my fiance. I have known him since school. He has always been there for me. He is big and strong, caring, but not intellectually equal to me. Our conversations are mostly monologues in which I do most of the speaking and he does most of the listening. He barely graduated, but he works hard as a mason. He gives me everything I ask for, but it, recently, is not enough.”
“Could you describe the other person?”
“She is my employer. She is witty, charming, and extremely intelligent. When I am with her, she takes me to elevated plateaus of thought I can never have when I am at home. She is beautiful. When she enters my office, I am alive again. I detect her perfume when she draws near. I am ecstatic when she touches my hand. I have trouble controlling myself when she goes further. Yesterday, she slowly swept my hair from my face. She took her time to reach in before she gently kissed me. It wasn’t the kiss of a friend. It lasted longer than necessary. I felt her mouth open, providing a pathway for me to do likewise. Our tongues touched, then danced. I tasted her core and she tasted mine. I wanted more. I began to breathe harder. She pulled me in closer, denying me the oxygen I craved. Within minutes, she began exploring my body. I offered no resistance. I melted before her advances. By the end of the hour, she had taken me in ways I never thought possible. In the end, she told me I was hers. I could not say no. Tomorrow, she will take me again, lay me open, lay me bare to her ministrations. I want to be taken, but I feel guilty about being taken.”
“Because of your fiance?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me about him.”
“When he is aroused, he is a barbarian. When he wants me, or something from me, he does not ask, he expects. When he does not receive, he takes by force. I enjoy his force. Our first time together lasted nearly four hours. He held me down. He lifted me up. He never stopped. He is relentless in his desire. I see it in his eyes. Sex with him is like sex with a demon. He has had me in public. He has forced me to go beyond my limits. I leave him and he pulls me back. I ache when I think about what he will do next time. I ache when I think about never being with him again. Professionally, my gynecologist encourages me to reduce my time with him. After meeting him, she tells me she wishes she had my problems. He cannot get enough of me. I cannot get enough of him. That is until we are apart. Then, I crave what he offers, but I also crave what he cannot offer.”
“This is just a thought, have you considered a threesome? It might be fun?”
“I did, but she is a gold-star lesbian. It would never work.”
“Well, as I see it, you have a choice to make. Some might be so bold to be envious about walking a mile in your shoes. How much time do you think you have before your world comes crashing down?”
“Tomorrow, I am to meet my employer in her office. By her instructions, I am to bring two sets of clothing. I seriously believe she will propose, for she moves that fast.”
“And what of tonight, when you get home?”
“We are to make wedding plans. I believe he will want to make children. I may not be able to walk by sunrise.”
Never before had I encountered one with such a series of complications.
“Professionally, you must make a choice. I do not believe you are in love with your employer. She may be in love with you. The feeling of something so intense, so new must be exhilarating. With your fiance, what you describe is a classic case of submission to his dominance. In the bedroom, he is above anything you have ever experienced. You feel trusting in his arms and respected among your peers. You have what they want. However, outside of his physical abilities, you feel empty. This is compounded by the fact everyone who knows the two of you in the former do not know the two of you in the latter. I believe he loves you with all of his heart. You are his world. He will never betray you. He is the definition of faithful. But, if all you want is faithfulness, please adopt a dog. Your life will be easier.”
“I came to you for help. Are you telling me to break off my engagement and never leave my employer?”
“I am telling you to make a choice. You have little time in which to act. Recognize the repercussions of what you are about to do. If you chose not to decide, that is, by default, a choice, and not a very good one. You told me you are now 26 years old. Can you live for the next 50+ years without regret? Whatever you decide, I will be interested in knowing how it all ends.”
With that, and a very awkward pause indicating I have done all I could to help her, she took her leave, opened her umbrella, and began walking. I could not tell if she was going toward him or her. She left no indication as to which path she would follow. In my notes, my preliminary diagnosis was simply “indecisive”, definitely “conflicted”.
Had I been in her shoes, I wonder what my choice would have been.
Most likely, “complicated”.