Talking with Myself

LX said they'd remember me. But they know I hate being perceived so they'd remember me ½ of the time.

I skipped responding to that text. It's not that I hate being perceived. This is how I wanted to respond.

you don't always have a contradicting thought in your mind that you want to interact with people and be remembered but you also want everyone to forget you exist so you can leave in silence and peace?

because anyone can say they will remember you but when time does it's thing it'll be natural to forget someone who hasn't been in your life for awhile. like you slowly forget your preschool teachers name, their voice, their face. but they are still alive and living their life. it's just that forgetting is a natural part of the brain. so in a sense if you hold out long enough and set the precedent that you sometimes go no contact for no reason at all, the day you go no contact for a reason will be missed. and slowly people will forget about you. and you can leave and no one would stop you but everyone wants someone to stop them right. and tell them they cared. they will be missed. they'd notice you gone because they count the stars at night and would see you tried to put out ur light. but what if you are not a star at all. there are so many. you can't expect even the most enthusiastic astrologists to remember them all. what if you aren't anything. worth less than a dead rat trapped in a cage and left to die in the sun. what's the use of remembering something like that. someone like that. what if I am that someone. No one is obligated to remember me. I know that. I know I am not worth the dust that comes off your shoes. or anyone's. I just.

I know that when I die, no one would get the call. I'd be a body left in the morgue unclaimed before finally being disposed of in a nameless Tupperware. I know that. I just. Sometimes I feel like it's a crime to remember who I once was.

22nd July 2025