Soft Babie or Dark Feminine?

Lately all I have been trying to do

is to love myself enough

to know that

what you did to me,

my Dearest Masculine

was not what I deserved, at all.

What you put me through,

my Dearest Masculine,

was not something I ever saw coming from you.

I once read that, the one you love

is the one that holds the sword

but I can only ever see it as

my Handsome Lover

holding a bouquet of the most vibrant flowers...

(Here, each flower represents the most exquisite ways

in which you have destroyed me)

And in holding the gift,

In holding You, Dearest...

I hardly noticed the crimson red blood

soaking my white dress

(Here, the dress stands for the purity of my soul

and the purity of my love for you)

turning it into a blood red battlefield,

where the only visible ruins are

my heart - shattered into infinite shards,

my soul - tattered and dilapidated beyond recognition,

my psyche - once indomitable - still searches only for You...

(my inner baby- my psyche- searches only for you,

even after everything, as she does not know what else to do;

for her the first love was her best love and

she is crumbling at the fact that it wasn't meant to be;

she refuses to believe you didn't mean any of it...

she will love you no matter what...

she stands by what she loves;

for love - to her- is like Religion

and you - an infallible God...

my inner baby doesn't listen to me when I try to tell her that

you're gone...)

And with this canon event,

this magnanimous cataclysm;

My innermost dreams leave me,

just like you did.

My will to go on,

which is what once kept me alive,

foregoes me,

she has abandoned me too,

seeing me as a lost cause...

My inner baby has lost her faith in me,

just like I lost mine in God,

the day my mother died...

And all I am met with

in the bottom of this

chasm of grief filled destruction-

is Rage.

Rage, that I did not deserve any of this.

Rage, that I did not deserve any of this.

Rage, that I did not deserve any of this.

Rage against the injustice.

The ruins.

The wrongness of it all.

Rage makes me want to rise up now.

Shall I now call upon

my own inner Dark Feminine?

My inner Lilith, Hecate, Medusa?

Shall I rise,

like the proverbial phoenix from the ashes,

ravenous in my quest for

justice for all the wrongdoings,

and regain the integrity of my purpose

which shall be to again find

my indomitable warrior Goddess spirit...

To bring justice to my inner baby...

To become the Dark Feminine,

who now

cannot be reached,

seen,

touched,

or heard - ever...

By all those who have

betrayed my heart

hurt my soul

and used my purity

and innocence against me...

Maybe the scales shall balance

when he finally leads a life where

he sees me in everything and everyone he meets;

but I am nowhere to be found.

Yes.

Rage is my answer now;

and Loss will be his.

-Love.

-You hurt me too much, Dearest, there's no going back from this.