The Roads Less Traveled

There is a street in Bradenton, Florida, called Cortez Avenue. Hernán Cortés de Monroy y Pizarro Altamiran conquered the Aztec Empire in 1521, as what would be later known as a Conquistador for Spain. He enslaved the Aztec population, and millions were wiped out by his gifts of smallpox and the measles virus he brought to the New World.

In Florida, where some things emerge in the strangest of ways, it seems ironic to be cruising down Cortez Avenue, so named due to this historical figure's alleged hero status. So, I bask in the irony that I have been assigned by the governor to name the streets of a new development sprouting from the northernmost end of Cortez Avenue. When I'm finished, a typical commute will be thus:

I take Cortez Avenue down to Dahmer Drive and take a right at Hitler Heights. From there, I'll cut across the Pol Pot Thruway to the Hussein Exchange where Qusay Boulevard turns into Uday Circle. There, I'll take the Saddam roundabout and take the first exit that points me to the al-Gaddafi Grotto at Supreme Leader Estates next to New Jonestown, where the Weapons-of-Mass-Destruction playground is being defoliated.

I'll stop at the Mao-n'-Stop to pick up a Lunchable™ for work, and soon I'm back on my way, taking the Idi Amin President-for-Life Freeway, past the Carter Center for Inflationary Studies. Finally, I'll park at the nearby Stalin Park-and-Run, and it's only a short forced march down Genghis Khan Street to my job at Trump Tower.