A voice in the mirror

I didn't worry about the voices. They weren't real. I knew that and as long as I knew that, they couldn't hurt me. That is, until today.

I stared through my own eyes and felt my mouth move. I heard a voice that wasn't my own. It said things I would never say. And my friends, they acted like they knew this voice.

"Oh, hi!" they smiled and said a name I don't remember anymore. The voice responded. They talked and asked about things that someone who wasn't me wouldn't know. My friends recognized them and in that moment I knew something unimaginable. I didn't live alone. I woke up, and those breakfasts I didn't remember, that wasn't an accident, that was my roommate: the roommate in my head. I started wondering something else. Was I the voice? In this moment I couldn't move my body. I couldn't control what I was saying. I couldn't exist in any way that mattered. How could I live like this? Or, was this something that couldn't be called living?

I started to panic and my vision went black. I felt myself sit down. My friends asked if I was ok and the voice that wasn't mine responded again.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just nauseous."

Was I the voice? Cause, I made that same excuse whenever the screams started. I could feel something biting my lip. I rolled my eyes. I'd worked so hard to break that habit. But, it wasn't my eyes that were rolling. It was like when you're annoyed at your parents but instead of saying something, you say it in your head. It was like that, except it wasn't a choice. It had never been a choice. I started to fight. Staying like this couldn't be possible. I had to live. I had to exist. Why was this happening? My life was mine and I couldn't let that get taken away.

It was to no avail.

That night I stared in the mirror. Something felt wrong. The person who stared back... wasn't me. I looked down, I felt the body I was in. It wasn't mine either. I looked in the mirror hoping, praying that something would change. It didn't. I looked down. I'd never seen these clothes before. It was a set of black overalls and a denim jacket. This wasn't mine. I tried to remember what happened today. Why did I put these clothes on? Why was I wearing something I didn't own? I didn't know. All I knew is that I'd lost control that morning. Someone had bit my lip and it wasn't me. My friends had spoken to a voice that wasn't mine. They had known that voice. It wasn't new. I looked in the mirror again. There was a note. It read like this:

"Hello, I'm sorry. I know you don't like it when I take control. It wasn't my fault this time, I promise. I know you don't remember what happened and why you came to be this way, but we'll take care of you. I may not be your friend, but I am not your enemy. If it hurts to read this, throw it away and forget it all again. You just have to decide it was a dream. It all seems impossible anyway, right? If you don't want to forget, if you want to know why, leave a note on the mirror and check back tomorrow. Good night and sweet dreams-- Jennifer."

I stared at the note. My hand started to tremble. Thoughts raced in a flash of color. A cacophony of voices filled the insides if my brain until my own thoughts were drowned out of existence. I waited, and my mind went dark. After a time, I was alive again. My thoughts started turning everything around. I hadn't forgotten and I wanted to know more. I couldn't stay like this anymore. The voices couldn't be ignored.

A pen had been set next to the sink. A note card lay next to it. I picked them up, jotted down a sentence and signed off.

"P.S. don't go. I need you and I want to know more.--Jackson"

Then, I turned off the lights and went to bed. I shut my eyes and let the blackness take me once more, but this time I wasn't scared, I was terrified.