Mom I Need You

Mom I need you

now more than ever

as the world falls

like acid rain from a rusted sky,

like hand grenades exploding

down the gullet of existentialism.

I don’t know who I am

in this quarry mine existence

where dynamite shakes the walls

of the mountains of hope,

and sorrow and pain

are the blankets we all sleep under.

Mom I need you

as heartbreak and suffering

swirl like razor blades in a storm,

and I remember that letter I found

you saved all those years,

that letter of love and loss,

I wonder what you would say.

Mom I need you

as you sit in a comfy chair

in an assisted graveyard

and I smile at the nurses

and you smile at everyone

and tell everyone you’re fine

as your mind decays

and your windows fog up.

Now I take care of you

and I take care of four kids

alone,

fighting alone

in this tornado of anger

and demons and hatred and pain.

You were never alone.

There was always us.

There was always dad

until recently.

But here I am now without a person.

Without a dad, a mom, a wife,

trying to make my way

in this unforgiving gauntlet.

I wonder what you would say.

You never had to deal with this,

but you’d probably say

everything’s gonna be okay

and I would believe you.

Mom I need you

as people lose their jobs and families

in the tightening of the federal vice,

as they’re shipped away

like unwanted products

and the rich and powerful fight their wars

and the poor and helpless

are always the ones who suffer.

The rich and powerful

who are afflicted

with the disease of greed,

this addiction to money

where they’ll always want more

and more and more,

money like sex,

money like heroin

injected into their gaping veins,

their distorted, cavernous mouths.

As I ready these fists of words

to break down this system,

I feel so far away from you,

but I remember

you were tough when you needed to be,

you put up with dad for decades,

and you put up with us kids,

and steered us when you needed to.

But most of all,

I remember

that you taught us to love.

To love people,

to love one another,

to love God.

And I’ve learned to love

but I’m so full of anger and hatred

like a Sith Lord

slowly turning to the dark side.

And even if your mind is leaving

like leaves blowing away in autumn,

you still have that love

I can see it when your face lights up

when you see me,

when you see your grand kids.

Mom I need you

to tell me everything’s gonna be okay

to hug me and kiss my cheek.

Maybe you can still do that.

Maybe you can still

remind me how to love.