I Laugh

"They were born like this."

"No, I wasn't." I think, looking at the screen and watching a stranger talk about my psychology. They have no idea what happened and they never will. I smile to myself. It is a smile of pain. It's the smile of suppression. A smile just for me, from one cruel bitch to another. They'll never know what I went through, they'll never know what I do to myself and that makes me laugh: one long cruel laugh, a laugh that never stops because... If it did, I don't know what would happen next.

So, I laugh. I laugh and I hope it never stops. I hope this cold, dead face never stops because if hell is worse than this then there is a type of fear I can never comprehend.

I laugh. I laugh so hard my ribs begin to burst. Pain, I feel pain. I hold on to that pain. I cling on to that pain for dear life. It's a life line. Still, I laugh. Hysterically, I laugh. I laugh because of the absurdity I live in. I laugh because they still think there's reason behind this horrible world. I laugh because they try to grasp at the strands of the insane. Don't they know I already tried that? When I started spiral... felt my mind slip... into the abyss. Don't they think I tried as hard as a could to find some reason behind it all? I laughed, because there is nothing I can do but laugh.

I laugh,

at the absurdity of this world.

I laugh,

because there's no where left to turn.

I laugh,

because they're still trying to find reason when its long since left.

I laugh,

because even I don't know what I'll do next.