Normal People

Ya know, I was hanging out with normal people again today. It makes me realize how hard my life has been. They just... fix things when they come along. They aren't scared of asking for help. They don't analyze their every move in fear of retaliation. I can barely imagine living... at all. I was gonna say living like that but I barely feel alive at the moment, I don't feel real. They live... and I don't. I switch five times every night just so I can touch water to wash my hands and brush my teeth without getting triggered and its so strange to see someone living as if they don't have to fight for their time on this planet, as if the war is already over when, for me, it's just begun. It's so strange to see people acting normal, when I barely realize that's a concept. It's so strange to see people living, walking, driving, going about their day, when I feel stuck inna cage of my own making, never escaping and certainly never living, for real. It all feels fake, like I'm a character on television. Next thing I know, I step into the real world. People have jobs. The camera doesn't cut to the details anymore, you just have to guess at what's important. And let me tell you what, none of it seems important at all. So, why was it so weird to see people living, truly living? Why did it make me sad?