Necessary Skills

I am the same but also so different. What has changed? It's not what's inside but my actions. I stare at my other self through a haze as I do the things I spent my lifetime being taught to hold back. My words are what they would consider mean but I feel are honest. I've always felt I should voice them but was restrained, not by conscience but by training. "Don't say those sort of things they hurt people" I don't understand why they would but obey my mothers orders. "Hold back, repress it, if you can't change what's inside at least don't show it. You can't wince when people hug you, it's mean. You can't be disgusted when someone gives a simple kiss on the cheek. You can't tell people the truth so matter of factly, it needs to be softened. You can't live your life in silence in a corner watching but not engaging. Even if you hate it power through and live normally as you can."

I watch the person who didn't learn these lessons they are not loved like I am. I am unsure how I feel about that. Am I that unlikable beneath my facade, in my natural state? Do I even care? Deep down I'm not sure if I should thank or hate Mom for my lessons. The other me is alone but deep down I honestly believe they are happier.