No biggie

Remember when you tried out for that job? That second of anticipation before you opened up the email to figure out whether or not you got it? Of course you did it tucked away from everybody else, because you were just checking. The few moments you let your face fall when they denied you the job.

Yet, you skipped out of your room. When I asked if you got the job you just shrugged, said nah, No biggie though. I wasn't the best option y'know? I'm glad they even considered me for the job. Then you smiled, cracked a joke and forgot about the whole thing.

But I kept wondering how you were able to brush it off so easily. I remember you stressing over the application, crossing your fingers through the entire interview. Tight enough that your knuckles turned white. I remember all your nervous remarks through the entire process.

I wanted to be just like you, able to brush off such an inconvenience with no thought except to smile. With only being grateful that you didn't get it. Claiming you only ever applied because it would look good on a college application in the future.

Yet, as the next year rolled around, and you applied for the same spot. Stressed over the application just a little more. Crossed your fingers a little tighter. Let the second of anticipation last a little longer, I wonder why. If it's really no biggie. Just something you can put on an application.

When you get the job this time, you jump squealing and excited. Thanking the Lord with all your heart. I can't help but to think, that maybe this job was a big deal. Being able to amount to whatever your sisters and brothers were. Being able to set a good path for your younger sister.

I wonder if you were just playing it off. Then again, maybe you did understand, and maybe you were simply grateful. But I also wish that you'd have told me what a big deal it truly was to you. Crying before being thankful is an option that I wish you knew.