*Rough D* ‘Conversation’

(3 different people talking 1,2, 3. Gender M,F.) *A dialog pull from ‘Recidivism’ (work in progress) repurposed for a short story.*

1M: I’m just saying it was a different time! People got it, they were chill. Patriotism AND humor – all intact and rarely the fuck at odds.

2M: “You’re just pissed your tattoo didn’t age well.”

3F: ‘Wait, what tattoo?’

2M: “Purple heart around the pee-hole and a ‘Do it for your country’ banner on his navel”.

3F: ‘Oh fuck… you do not. That is sooooo cliché.’

1M: Fuck off, it was hilarious. And healing.

2M: “And short term. Dude, you’re missing a fucking leg. Fun while young, but future prospects? 3-legged race at your son’s Scout meeting; you’re just gonna… hold hands?”

1M: Low blow. Benefits of being a human tripod, I’ve got a spare.

3F: ‘What? If it’s hard? You getting hard at Scout meetings now? What the fuck did I miss!?’

2M: “Literal purple heart on the tip of his dick... Upside: Now that you got those weird plum veins in your feet because you drink and sit to much, it might actually pass as a third leg. Just keep it way from young boy adventurers.”

3F: ‘How do I not know about this?’

1M: Scouts? Because it used to be cool and you weren’t allowed.

3F: ‘No the… fuck you. World’s smallest fiddle is a gesture, not a gender.’

2M: “David Carridine died covered in jizz from auto-erotic asphyxiation. He was in ‘Kill Bill’.”

1M: Not fucking relevant.

3F: ‘Was pretty relevant to him in those final moments… Wait, did you arrive there because I mentioned gender and you jumped to ‘weird things to do with your penis?’’

2M: “I did. And to the maid who found him. “Fresh towels?... OH FUCKING BANGKOK JESUS!! – Pronounced of course in the Spanish ‘Hey-Sous’… Spain did a lot of good there. Took their annunciation of the glorious Christan language but gifted them firm Mediterranean asses.”.

1M: You think she, he, she-he tossed one over him. I’d like to think I’d have tossed a towel on that wilted celebrity celery before phoning… Press first, then manager right?

3F: ‘Duh. You work in a fuck-hotel in Isis Bermuda. Of course Press first. Then towel. ‘Kung Fu’, cash and dignity matter.’

1M: That’s my other tattoo.

2M: My yearbook quote.

2M: Oh shit. Mom’s turning on the porch light.

3F: I find it disturbing that you call your wife ‘Mom’.

2M: She calls me ‘Daddy’, it’s equal exchange – fundamental rule of ‘Fullmetal Alchemist.’.

1M: Cartoon reference, really backs your point.

2M: Hey, professor McSnob, The Mona Lisa is just a cartoon that took too long. If she’d showed some tit there might have been a sequel.

3F: If you’d showed some… Eeew!.. thought I had something and came up short.

2M: No shame. I always do. That’s why me and mom don’t have kids – thighs if I’m into it or belly if I’m bored…. That and the rampant erectile dysfunction. Star spangled Blue Chew.

1M: Speaking of chemical cocktails, how’s the TRT working?

2M: The ‘Teddy Rosevelt Tangents’?... ‘Let me aggressively tell you about national parks’… Not well… I struggle with impulse control and short term memory, bought a lot of Lego sets and then yelled at Mom because I never finished them.

1M: I don’t know why she has to be like that.

2M: I don’t either.

3F: Kinda a bitch.

2M: But great tits.

1M: Unlike that cunt Mona Lisa. Flat as she believed the world to be…

2M: That’s why she’s smirking, cause she’s secretly got a dick.

3F: …And wouldn’t even throw a towel over David Carradine.

1M: Also, feel like that’s the CPE not the low T. Old people and heavyweight boxers; both captivated and beguiled by cat puzzles.

3F: That’s why they’re next to the coloring books.

2M: Fuck you Target and your assumptions. Candy is next or same aisle too, isn’t it!? Skittles in Titos when you’ve lost your shit, Werther’s when you’ve just shit yourself.

1M: Not mutually exclusive. The satisfying sound of that golden wrapper as you just give in, no control, let it slide into that Depends while nodding about that 7th grandkid’s baseball game; when you only had the energy for the first two and now seek death…

Lot of pussies out there.

Who cares? There’s three of us here – so we just gotta worry about those 19 other shifty bastards.

3F: That’s why a cat will eat your fucking face after a stroke on the bathroom floor, but a labrador will wait till the last possible second.

1M: Dude, what the fuck?...

3F: Evolution. Cat’s binary code is solitary and opportunistic – so they wade right in. Dogs need a pack, without it they hesitate. Numbers enable the worst aspects of their nature, not skittish solitude. Hence, people are mostly dogs; but there’s a few arsonist cats lurking among us.

2M: Yeah, fucking women. What’s going on with y’all!? Severe need to check in more, buy a few scratching posts – I was good with a tennis ball – but you’re over there entertaining fucking Eldritch terrors.

1M: Sam Neil? Into the Mouth of Madness… That was Eldritch, right?

2M: Oh so want a mash up of Jurassic Park and Event Horizon! Rex yodeling into the

void as his maw slowly freezes over…

3F: Holy fuck!? Wasn’t the *brooding* ‘Trauma…’ medic guy also the *stupid* ‘Clever girl…’ dude!?

1M: Sensing some weird glue-stick stains in those panties over Britan’s illustrious Jason Isaacs… and no, ‘Clever girl…’ was General Bob Peck. Your voting is protected, your interjection is not.

3F: Little hurt you referred to my involuntary discharge as a ‘glue stick stain’.

2M: A guy’s discharge is referred to as a ‘money shot’… *imitates Nixon* ’Yet we have

balanced equality.’.

1M: How y’all feeling about the new Vudu?

3F: Literally never heard of it…

2M: Lot of fucking magnification. Trying to make everything a swiss-army knife… Jack of all trades, Master of none. Would rather just dedicate the platform. Fuck the pounds, better to carry two Masters than one ‘Well, it does both…. Kind of…’.

2M: You know what I struggle with?

1M: Being locked in in traffic, front back and sides – panic attack while waiting for the light to change?

2M: No… Yes… But, no… I think I’ve been protecting the best parts of me by building this… layer… of bullshit. I’m worried, well not worried, but you know, is there a day when it’s all just bullshit and the best parts, you were trying to protect are just… buried?

3F: If they’re your best parts, they can take it. You’re protecting your biggest advantage, per training – but just use it. You lose you lose, at least you got bloodied honest.

End:

Hey baby, you’ve been out here a while – food’s ready.

2M: My bad, fire pit isn’t level, I think. Not sure, there’s like a… tilt. Sorry got locked in on it.

All good. *nudges the empties* Awfully expressive…

2M: Oh, headphones *points* I was pretending I was on Rogan and being interviewed.

Gotcha. You know you’re weird right?

2M: Sexy weird though, not Astro Van and gotta register when I move.

Trash, fucking please, then food. Movie night, my pick.

2M: Yep, yep.