see-food

In the space between waiting to say goodbye and saying goodbye,

I can fix everything

Seeing my heart from its broken place

From madness

From holding on like fingernails to air

What made us seem unnecessary

made my irritations feel like justification to cut me off from you.

I rejected your desires

They were not my own

You rejected my desires they were never your own

We lived side by side in fantasies

Jealousy, yes, that you reached beyond my flesh to our shared fantasy

Only to get off on what was not in bed with us or next door or on this planet

Not our own beautiful brokenness, suffocating from lack of

touch

Never belonged here

in your desolate capital with you surrounded defensively

by family and coworkers to bet with and talk about asses and

play golf defensively as if all that could be taken away from you by my desires

I slowly began to find footing

people to wave hello to, to dream with maybe, a landscape to know.

I am weaving here beside the capital what I know how to do barely weave

You tried to convince me that I was not alone,

Around drunken tables and chitchat

About conquests always in my face

your family gave us looks that said “this will never work”

yet tell me again how I should love them and trust you and they love me

I am a person with two pair of feelers, you forget, I feel

And at times I do not use my legs to hide from what I feel