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One man’s trash?
Using the contents of your email's junk folder, write a something that makes me laugh :) The most stylistic treasure wins.
Profile avatar image for GerardDiLeo
GerardDiLeo in Comedy

Timely Timing

He was destitute, without hope, and a loser at life. He drove off the only woman who had ever taken an interest in him. But he still knew the world existed, with or without him. because there were those who were trying to contact him. But everything landed in his email's junk folder.

Yet, maybe...just maybe someone cared. Maybe someone was reaching out to him.

But probably not, he sighed. He was still bitter about that Nigerian prince who had what was left of his saving. He would miss his mortgage payment. And what he had learned from over half a million dollars in student debt was that it didn't matter whether he was here or not.

Not.

He contemplated it. Everything pointed to his ending it all. He was at the breaking point. If he were to suffer just one more reason to leave this Earth, be given just one more indication he should do it now, he wouldn't be able to resist. He'd hit critical mass in suicidal ideation. What would be that last thing? he wondered.

He opened his email's trash bin, and the very first one he saw, the most recent one—as if it were a direct response to his question—he read:

Complimentary cremation discount offer.

Of course, it was meant to be marketing an estate-planning strategy. But it made even more sense for him to—as the offer read—take advantage of this smart opportunity because, even better, there was no interest nor any payment due for 12 months.

It was a time-sensitive offer, he realized.