2/26/2025

I’ve come to the realization that I expect too much out of life and the universe. I think that’s why I’m perpetually disappointed.

I used to have a wife, four kids, and a high paying job. I used to have regular sex, go to church on weekends, go on fun family vacations and adventures. Things were always getting better because I was getting raises and bonuses each year so our situation was always on the up and up. My kids were happy and healthy, growing and developing. I was fulfilled. I was happy. And I thought that was the baseline. Things were always improving and I felt good about myself and my situation.

I lost all of that. The only part I still have are the kids but I’m a single parent now so it’s always a struggle. I also still have the job but just barely because I’ve been messing up because of the stress and logistics of being a single parent with four kids. Church is still there and I have friends and family who’ve really been there for me and have helped immensely.

However, when I compare my new life to my previous baseline, it’s hell and I’m failing miserably. But what I’ve come to realize is I had it really really good before. I’m not likely to ever make it back to that place. No matter what I do, it’s likely that my best years are behind me at this point. If I compare my present to my past, it will always come up short. So I have to change my baseline. Things were so good before I didn’t know how good I had it.

Now I’m a single dad with four kids who is struggling to make ends meet. I don’t really have girlfriends or sex because I’m busy and quite frankly I’m an old man now who just isn’t good at picking up women or dating or anything like that.

So if I realize all of that is my baseline now and I try to forget my past, I’m not as depressed. I just have to let all of that past stuff go and try to be grateful my kids are alive and healthy and that I haven’t been fired yet. So far I’ve been able to keep my new living situation in place and I haven’t had to move back in with my ex.

I can’t lie to myself about where I am or where I’m going. And I need to stop thinking about where I’ve been. Things are precarious at best but it could be worse. I’m sharing this because maybe it can help someone else who’s gone through life altering trauma.