This Is as Good a Place as Any

The Sistine Chapel? Why that’s on par with the lobby of a Motel 6 by an offramp to a regional airport compared to my imagined writing retreat. As natural light streams through every window throughout the day and the room remains at a constant 72 degrees with 45% humidity, how could I not be motivated? The intoxicating smell of honeysuckle lingering in the air advances my creative output.

A nubile, Swedish masseuse, who would make Helen of Troy look like Vern Troyer (R.I.P.), standing at the ready to banish the knots or stiffness in my neck, shoulders and lower back would be advantageous. Of course, a Michelin three-star chef on staff dedicated to preventing me from becoming hangry and losing my train of thought isn’t detrimental. My cellphone in Airplane Mode, the neighborhood kids staying off my lawn and distractions going by way of the passenger pigeon are all advantageous.

Garbed in pants woven from Egyptian cotton and a satin smoking jacket with a cashmere scarf cascading over my shoulders would burst open the inspiration floodgates. Palming a snifter of brandy in one hand and a hand-rolled cigarette made with the highest quality Turkish tobacco secured in the end of an elongated, mother-of-pearl holder between two fingers of the other hand, I take my rightful place nestled in the overstuffed throne. What could be more uplifting? I position myself behind the customized mahogany desk. Dipping a quill replicating a feather from an Archaeopteryx lithographica into the bottomless well of Persian ink that’s adjacent to a stack of never-ending Midori paper guarantees boundless productivity.

When the process of transferring ink to a cellulous medium begins, stories flow out of me as effortlessly as water pours over Angel Falls. My participles don’t dangle. I’ve correctly used they’re, their and there. Possessive apostrophes are flawlessly executed. In the end, my written words conjure images so impactful, they compel librarians and bookstore employees across the globe to clear the shelves of best sellers, freeing up space for my highly anticipated, soon-to-be released tomes.

With encouragement from the Federal government, the Dewey Decimal System generates a new category dedicated specifically for my books. Instead of numbers, the omega symbol is assigned to this classification. Nationwide, elementary school curriculums add a course entitled: “How to use the Dewey Decimal System,” so children now and for future generations to come, will have the skillset to independently locate my printed works in the newly reorganized libraries.

But alas, such a crafted scenario will never become a reality. I’m at peace with this though because I want to abolish every reason for not sitting down and writing today. I must eliminate the mindset of postponing writing until ideal conditions are achieved. I want writing to be my excuse for ignoring the trappings of life, not the other way around.

Dirty clothes in the hamper - I’ll get to them once I land on the perfect synonym for “trouble.” Bills need to be paid - I’m on it after I tighten up this transitional sentence. Haven’t gone to the gym in a week – That’s a good topic for a story. The dishwasher isn’t going to load itself – Uber Eats will suffice until I proofread, out loud, this paragraph five more times. Free-range dust bunnies are propagating beneath the bed – I’ll vacuum when I’m happy with my final draft.

Combating “writer’s block” is difficult in of itself. Having this malady forever lurking along the frazzled edges of my mind requires me to be on constant alert for possible battles if it decides to storm and subsequently obstruct the gates of my thought process. So, I shouldn’t be too selective while mentally establishing an optimal location for writing.

If I visualize my ultimate workplace consisting of a pencil, a blank piece of scrap paper and a horizontal (or diagonal or vertical) surface, then I have no other option but to write. Anything above and beyond these three things will only boost my enthusiasm, invigorating me to keep writing. This is the situation I long for. This is how I control my space.