Beware the Chernoyls; Cover Your Glibula!

The chernoyl, Chernobylus ridicularis, is a one-celled parasite that arose from spontaneous creation after the famous nuclear meltdown in Ukraine. It is based on radon, although it spews enantiomeric uranium isotopes. The scatter diameter for each 55-nanometer organism is about twenty feet, or about as far as you can run in a gulag before a bullet catches up with you.

Chernoyls tend to infect your glibula, which means you're fucked. It reverses the polarity of your hydrogen atoms, which is why getting an MRI scan cam make you explode. Because you depend on your glibula for about a dozen physiologic inanities, once you've developed glibulitis, you can kiss your modeling career goodbye.

NOTE: The glibula bank is running disastrously low. Remember, only you can designate yourself glibula donor on your driver's license. Help someone with a faltering modeling career!

Currently, there is no cure for glibulitis or infection with the chernoyls, but you can still protect others by abstaining from pearly ovule insertions, now the most frequent cause of infestation. Pearly ovules have also been implicated in anachronism and falling down.

Pearly ovules have an exquisite sense of humor, so they can die laughing, but it is theorized it would take a stand-up gig of about 100 hours to effect such an eradication, and what's funny after 100 hours?

It is not politically correct to reference the sex organs of people infected by chernoyls. (It's still, as they say, too soon.) How would you like it if your own sex organs were variegated into prismatic shards? You wouldn't, so be sensitive to the problem.

Chernoyls have also been implicated in manifest destiny, e.g., Greenland, Canada, and the Panama Canal.

Currently, several anti-chernoyl medications are in Phase IV trials—if you can get past the taste. Chernot®, ChernBurn®, and Chernobyl-Never-Happened-Conspiracy® ("CherCon") aren't expected to hit the shelves for another three years, so don't ask your stupid doctor if it's right for you.

And while your shit still stinks, don't be concerned about it glowing in the dark. Only be concerned when it stops stinking.