Purple

It's still there.

That feeling.

A slight pain I get

When I remember the times I was able to see you

On a regular basis.

When I remember the days of silence,

The days of sadness, of hope,

Of crying into each other's arms,

Of laughing at the stupidest things

Until our eyes were wet with tears,

And our stomachs burned in protest.

Of sitting outside the school against the wall by the trash can

Sweltering in the heat or shaking a little in the cold

And waiting for a parent,

Or waiting for a parent to forget we exist.

Discussing music,

Or discussing death.

Texting with our phones like normal people,

Or texting over a Google doc

To communicate

About the smallest

And largest of things.

Watching Meat Canyon,

Or just sitting there,

Watching each other.

As we lived our lives out

And laughed and suffered about it,

We would watch each other.

I watched you bleed yourself out

And murder your brain cells

For a passion that you never, ever

Not even once

Gave up on.

And you watched me

Make my way through

All of the emotions

That were eating away at me.

And then you watched me leave.

You watched me travel miles away

To pursue the same passion,

But you're already miles ahead of me.

And I'm watching you slowly

Start to live out more pieces of your life

That I can't watch.

But I'm so

So proud of you.

I hope you know that.

I just miss you.

And honestly,

I wish

I could take it back.

The tiny, momentary hesitation

That was the borderline between an opportunity and sameness,

But not quite sameness.

One day, several hours

Was all it took to destroy a path

I had no idea

I wanted so desperately

Until it was gone.

I'll be okay.

I've moved on.

We've moved on.

But as much as both of us have moved on,

It sticks with me,

That feeling.

I wonder if you get that feeling too.