“Big Folk Are Nimrods” (from my Dragon musical collection

Once upon a time there was no once upon a time

Because even Time would not admit to hosting something quite so stupid.

And if you think that’s harsh, let’s lay a little bet between us;

I’ll bid a barrel of scrumple; what’ll you bid?

See there was a Kingdom (ain’t there always a Kingdom?)

And the point that rendered the thing dumb

Was the sheer force of denial

You live with Unicorns, Wizards, and Hobbits;

Believing in Dragons oughtn’t be some dire mental trial.

But nevertheless, the King made no plans, the Vizier schemed,

But not for this. The Knights said, “No sweat”, and bright their armor gleamed.

’Till the whole thing was ruined by mile-high blood splatter

And if my narrative seems to scatter

Just wait ’til we tell the story itself…

The Princess, a fair maiden, knew Dragonlore,

And besides, she’d been on some rotten dates before.

The chains were promising, and might have been fun

But her suitor was a lizard who didn’t want none.

One day the Dragon came, as is Draconic wont,

Ate all the sheep, ’til the peasants were gaunt,

And in an ancient alien voice, like ice scraping on ice,

The Dragon made demands, and they weren’t very nice.

A Princess of the Blood Royale

Would provide the beast its feast.

And that’s where we start the flood, my pal:

As the King prepares his daughter to be messily deceased.

Nothing works out as planned, and everything is doomed;

You’ll owe me more whiskey than can fit in this room, you ape.

And here we go!