Undulations

Power, victor’s power —the world is just as much in my hands as if I could feel its peaks and valleys with my fingertips. My enemies are my stepping stones and my teachers are my equal friends. Feeling like this, I will win all their silly little games, love the makers, and hate their lies openly. I sit and accomplish for hours. Hours I sit and accomplish what I could not in many years before, I do not eat or drink. I do not notice when precisely it has made me worse off.

I knew it would come though —the fall. I watch it happen and try to minimize the harm. I am becoming an empty shell. What is unremovable in me is crying in a black vacuum for the sad love I started with. Power took its place and left. I harm one, I harm two people, and find myself a drone. I cannot speak, cannot move this spent dross… and my friend makes me laugh.

”I feel better after laughing so much.” I say that to my friend before he leaves. In my dreams I stand by my brother resisting my father in a place I’ve surely never been before. I stir awake, afraid to be normal again, and it hits me —that love feeling I lost. Power had taken its place and left. It hits me like an egg cracked on my heart. I’m going to keep things better like this for as long as I can this time. When they say it’s their way or destitution, I’ll hold on as tight as I can. Eventually, I’ll be driven to power.