Musings at an indoor play-park

Looking up I see

A little smile with big eyes staring at me

The pain hits

Taking over the glee

Flooded with memories of little hands and feet

I watch as those feet carry them unstable

Little hands grip anywhere they can to lift

Little bodies defy them

Keeping grounded

When all that's wanted is to climb

Mommy comes to the rescue

Sweeps them up and kisses their chubby cherub cheeks

That heavenly giggle is like a knife slicing right through me

Smile brightens as they are placed on the next platform

Dance a little on the spot before trotting on

My chest tightens

Breath hitches

Emotions caught in my throat

Threatening to let loose tears from these traitorous eyes

I look away swiftly

This is not a possibility

Holding tiny hands and chasing little feet

Only a past of fragmented memories

That time has come and gone

All that's left is the pain

The choice that was laid

A body that betrayed

The aching emptiness ever present

This ominous void more apparent

I miss the womb that once nurtured life

I miss the possibility

I don't miss the loss after loss after loss

The bleeding

The pain

The agony

Maybe One was all that was meant for me

And that can be enough

It has to be.