On The Way Down

I'm standing on a cliff's edge

Waiting for the water to consume me

I wonder, Will I take the leap or will the wind push me down?

You're gone.

I watched you struggle for breath,

I stood in the deafening silence.

I never thought it could be so quiet.

I have stood still since

Waiting for the reality to hit,

but here I am.

anticipating the inevitable but preventing it from happening as best as I can

Everything has changed yet I do the same thing every day.

It's the mechanics of how I do it that has changed.

I enjoy music less, yearning for the silence to sit with the news

Accepting sympathy that feels forced

Comforting a mother who can't do the same.

Sitting with me and my grief.

Alone.

It is honestly what is best,

The pain of sitting with friends with my unspoken pain contaminating the space is far worse.

The pitty very well may be the gust that tips me over

Nobody can look me in the eye

but I can not blame them,

What do you do when someone loses the most important person in their life?

Truly what is there to say that is not already implied?

I never believed in a greater power but for her sake, I hope she's strolling the beaches.

She was a beautiful force of a woman and I know death can not even stop her.

Even so, I wait for her to walk in the door while I wear her on my neck.

The oceans coming into view quickly on this fall

and I hope

and I pray

The water is inviting.