Alone

Alone? Alone is the bite of fiery tongues upon the pink flesh of intestines. That thing that's defined as "the gut."

Alone is closed doors and closed, shuttered expressions,

Alone is the disdain those stupid idiots don't bother to hide anyway about anything.

About my waist, about my voice, about my likes, about the desire to just... talk. I don't know how, not really.

I just, wanted to say what I liked.

I shouldn't-- I don't deserve to be judged!

I'm not wrong.

I'm not useless.

You ARE!

You are Unabled and dumb and mean.

And no one wants mean people, the mean people stink!

Alone is screaming at nothing.

Alone is turning your insides to ice and ceding your affections-- cast off-- completely useless. Dangerous.

Alone is the fact, the grim knowledge that the world is made of liars and "teasers," who don't care who gets hurt.

What poor girl might take their "dates" seriously.

You can't trust.

You can't love.

People are ugly.

I tell myself in the mirror, ugly and fat as I am. A lumpy, lard thing.

And no, I don't believe I hated others because I hated myself.

I hated others since all I ever heard, were spears across a crumbling, already fragile self-worth.

And self-awareness, that I know I'm a freak.

I was alone, apart.

Alone is unable to see colors and light, unable to find beauty and being angry all the time at everyone you see on the TV.

You think the worst when your lonely.

And when the first hand finally deigns to take a chance on you-- is when rose exploded across my eyes.