my illness commonplace

diagnosed too often long ago

bipolar cyclic insanity manic depression

oh how I long for those blasted highs

that shot me up magnificent unstoppable invincible

only to lay me lower than I thought a man could go

for a period that felt like every cat's life had past

and then up I went fighting invisible dragons

with the shifting of the sun's angle

only to fall like the wicked in my own vomit feces

till the meds came and evened me like a pancake

dry gummy fried over easy chalk in my mouth

and then you sit leering over me

expecting to hear me retell every sordid tale

to which you nod hmmm take notes on crumbled paper

trash thrown to the floor I will never be whole you say

I spit you out to grab back on the horse that brung me

but the pony won't gallop do tricks I've lost my ride

so back into darkness Plato's cave to meander

lost alone to find soul mind meaning self

which self is me?

do I exist without my illness?

medicated unmedicated who am I?