loss

There is little point, why should I get out of bed? It...It is not likely will change anything. It is not that I hate myself, it just that I am bored of life. The only thing that I still feel is the irritation I feel when I have to go to work. Work that pays very little. Books, movies, and games all feel like chores; chores that repeat daily that never really change anything. I had a faith that I left behind, but while I feel like it was the right thing for me to do, I have nothing really to replace it with; nothing besides work. A job where they will probably look for someone to replace me the day they find out that I die. I have siblings, many siblings that I left far away. Should I contact them? They have not contacted me. I don't want to be a hassle to them. A thorn in their side. I was never pretty or handsome, and now I losing the little youth I had. I like sleep, but I can't sleep at night till nearly 4am the next day. During the days I work I look forward to weekends, but during the weekends I rot in my room. Sometimes I don't get out of bed until 1:00pm, and then work from 3:00pm to 11:00pm. I wish that I had a purpose. During school, I had a purpose with grades to show how I was doing. Learning had an end goal. Little did I know that the goal was a prison in disguise. A trap that holds people for many years that was getting bigger and longer year by year.

I want to do so many things with my life. Write, draw, learn poetry, create worlds with ghosts, gods, and heroes. But those feel beyond my power, whether it is because of lack of time or will, I don't know. Did my parent's ever feel this lost when they were my age? Do they feel it now? Did having me, help them resolve it? Was it their faith that helped them resolve it? Does faith act like what drugs and sports, and drink does for some people? There are just almost as many faiths and religions as there are drinks and drugs on the market.

What if my parents' faith, the one I left, is right? What if there is eternal life after the life? What if it is not as perfect as some think it is? What if it is just this feeling of loss for days without end?

What if God created us to relieve himself of the very same feeling of loss, this pain?

Should I hope it did the trick?