like I’m drowning but never losing consciousness

Middle school was rough for me. Actually, 4th grade to present day (and probably future) were difficult. I don't know what started it. It happened, and now I'm like this.

Hell, I only recently started to get medicated for my anxiety and depression, and we're still messing around with drugs to find the right combo. We talked about setting me up with therapy, but we haven't and probably won't before I move off to my dorm in two months.

I definitely have more issues than anxiety and depression, but not my problem today. Maybe tomorrow, maybe not.

I feel like I'm at a carnival. I keep going up and down on the roller-coaster. Eating stuff I know can't be healthy for me and I'll for sure end up puking up later. Trying to win at the rigged games.

(Sometimes I sleep more than half of the day. Sometimes I don't sleep at all. Sometimes I feel giddy for no reason, sometimes everything annoys me. Sometimes, I feel like I hate the people I'm around, other's I want nothing more to be around them, but feel like I'm not deserving of it. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes. Notice that word, it just shows that nothing is stable or consistent.)

Almost all of my friends have mental health issues and some type of illness/disability (I seem to attract people with ADHD like fly to honey) and it's so much more common than mainstream media makes it out to be.

I honestly don't know where I'm going with this. None of this is special, it's just my life.