musk of life

the winding spiral of nicotine tasted remarkable

until the next morning when i swore it off forever

the smell of beer on his lips was intoxicating

though i have never really enjoyed any strong drink

the warmth of the burn felt like all time was standing still

only hours later i would hate the textiles it touched for their coldness

i swam in ponds of water so soft and fertile i felt refreshed by them

only later to not be able to scrub hard enough to remove it from my skin

i loved

and yet i hate that i did

in my youth i preferred walking the dirt roads barefoot

i would break up with this desire the second i slipped into new socks

the relationship continues this way

never a child

forever childlike

i spin in circles of cruel and etherial unsustainable joy

a power source with no energy

i drink from the stone cup of my fathers

honey, that drinks like silk, and poisons me

deep breaths find me in all emotional voids and fill me

and also at summits of the best moments in life- to remind me

i am

and nothing is more powerful than turbulent contradictions

grounded to contrition

anchored in blood

drowning in air when water sets me free

i will die

for

i am

at any opportunity

R1.9-15