Dear journal 1003

Dear jc

Last night, somehow, I got the courage to tell you exactly how I feel. That I somehow I grew feelings for you. What did you do? You ignored me, left me on delivered. I should have seen this coming. I should have never opened up my heart to you. I should have never gave you my body, I should I have never layed eyes on you.

But it’s too late. For now you know what I have been feeling this whole time but chose to stay quiet. I mustered the courage for no reason. If you don’t feel the same, you could have just told me. but why do I have to suffer.

I can just thank you now, cause you left me with a special gift, baby Ellie, she will grow up to be big and strong like you but she will not know who you are. Its your fault, because of your mistake, she will not know her father. But I promise I will tell her the man you are. The one everyone thinks you are, and the one who you actually are, the one that left me on delivered. Who hurt young me, for no reason.

Dear journal I write once again because when I muster the courage to say what I feel, I get left on delivered. At least here I am heard and acknowledged. And now with baby Ellie on the way I will become the better version of myself. For I will have to be both mother and father, all because I fell in love with a stupid man.

1003- the amount of times I tried to tell him how I felt

1003-the day baby ellie will be born

1003 - because this is all make believe