im sorry

Dear Mom,

I am sorry I'm not more like Mollie. And I know you love me for who I am but I don't. I wish I was her too. I'm sorry for my attitude and my need for perfection but no motivation because I know Mollie has the motivation. I'm sorry I don't make you laugh more and I'm sorry we have stopped spending time together. I miss you. The truth is I am scared for us to be close again. Ever since I got over my separation anxiety I have been worried if we get close again it will come back. I'm sorry I compare myself to others, and I'm sorry I hate the body and person that against all odds you made. I'm sorry I have let you down because I know I have let myself down. I only hope when I am a mother, I have half the women you are. I hope I have half the love you gave me, Mollie, and Steve. I hope I have even half the drive to help others. And half the compassion and love for raising us as you had. I wish I could be better and I swear I am trying and I will make you proud, whether in this life or the next. I love you.