I Survive So Someday, I Can Thrive

I woke up one day to a world that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. I looked around and saw that the sun was shining. And for a moment, I couldn’t believe it was actually there. I hadn’t just sat and appreciated the world for a long time, I couldn’t. I had been in a cloud. It is always in the back of my mind, that cloud, reminding me that life is good. It shows me how bad things can get. And every single time I look up from that memory, things are good. Things are better than they used to be. Some days are dark again, but on those days I can still remember the light. I can remember the sun shining. That’s not how it was before. I still can’t remember the good times before the cloud. I know they were there, but it’s like, somehow… they disappeared. I couldn’t remember them anymore. I couldn’t remember being a kid. I thought only of a time where I had been forced into responsibility I didn’t want. I thought only of when I was in pain.

I still can’t see past the cloud, but I am alive today. I live, because I know how bad it can get. And I don’t just live, I live well. I try to make the best of every second because I know not all of them are great. I live when I want to die because I know that someday it will get better. I live when I don’t want to survive because I know it’s worth it. I know it’s worth crying in your bed at night just to feel the tears. I live to know the feeling of pain because the black darkness cannot come back again. I survive so that someday I may thrive. I know what it’s like to die and I don’t want to die for real this time.