A Love Experience | Pt. 1

*** A word from the author ***

A series of epistles addressed to my present and soon to be self.

Love is an ever-morphing maze, snagged with thorns, carpeted with cotton candy, and engulfed with a mysterious mist. It is the most thrilling rollercoaster, biting medicine, and grueling teacher you will ever encounter. As I continue to ride the waves of life, through its ebbs and flows, I intend to capture my own experiences on (seemingly hopeless) romance - every emotion, every hurt, every elation, every thought and moment. I hope that when I look back at these living pieces of writing, I may find peace knowing how far I've come and confidence of what is to come, be it more trials or jubilations. And I hope that when you read my story, you may find comfort in knowing that there is someone who is still searching for the very thing you're looking for. No matter if the world fades away or time stops running away, we can hold onto the sweet expectation of receiving the intangibly nonsensical thing that is love. May we all discover this precious flower within our souls and come together as the garden of Eden itself through true, intimate fellowship.

***

Below accounts for an earlier event that occurred a year . Resurfacing these memories and emotions was painful - but nonetheless rejuvenating. I thank God for giving me the courage to share and memorialize this. Thank You Lord that this is behind me.

*** End ***

I stopped believing in happy endings

My heart had been so naïve

Hung myself up for a life of pretending

Anchored my faith on fleeting emotions

It leapt at every opportunity

Collecting dust as though they were stars

Forsaking my people, my tribe, my community

For an ever-emptying jar

I thought I knew who they were

I was so sure this was it

The knot was tied

The ring was set

And yet here I lie

Broken

Shattered alive

Flowers withered into ash

Colors reeked of bitter tar

Flying cymbals shrieked and crashed

Blood leaked from lonely guitars

I lived in this hell for too long

I'm tired of stuffing myself in this pit of self-pity

I can't bear this cross

I hate these memories I've created

That I've buried

Lied for

Stabbed and mutilated

Left on repeat

A splinter turned plank

Lodged into my psyche

A glassy mirror shattered into millions

They're all looking back at me

Faces distorted

Disgusted

Disappointed

Time is a curious thing

Too long have I felt this sting

No more pain

Just

Numbing nothingness

A faint chord chimes in

A beam peers through

Warmth fills the inner crevices of my being

I see myself

Standing by a river flowing with sparkles

Sprinkled with pebbles

Sheltered by a singing emerald forest

Striding along a spiraling yellow brick road

She smiles

How sweet and crisp

Forgiveness can be