holding onto you

hey,

i keep thinking about you these days

my fingers reach for my phone, & as

if by instinct they keep looking for

your number. & i keep having to

remind myself that your number is

deleted. that we have become

nothing more than strangers.

the memory of you haunts me & i

hate that it does. but at the same time

it reminds me of what we used to have,

that it was actually real. & i revel in that

feeling, losing myself in the used-to-be’s.

maybe i should hate you. but you know

all i want is to talk about us to you. i

miss what we used to have. i miss texting

you my little things throughout the day.

i miss hearing your laugh as we called.

i simply miss us. even if i shouldn’t.

i feel like i lost pieces of myself when i

was with you. being with you was a dream

but i think i lost myself along the way of

finding us. i didn’t recognize the person

i had become & i didn’t recognize the

person you had become. maybe in another

life we didn’t lose ourselves loving each other.

maybe we were the right people but it had

just been the wrong time. maybe we weren’t

actually ready. maybe we could’ve been.

but i guess that maybe isn’t one we’ll live to see.

hey,

i think it’s time for me to say goodbye now.

i loved you. truly. you were my everything.

but that was the problem wasn’t it?

in another life, loving each other wouldn’t

make us lose everything else.